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06/11/08 |
           
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DBC LexiconHey, Bastard listeners! Ever wonder about all those stupid references and in-jokes we constantly use on the show? No? Well, go eat a dick then! For those of you who are interested, we have compiled this handy reference tool for all of you, DBC novice and expert alike. This will be a continual endeavor, so if you hear something on the show that you don't quite understand, contact us and we will forward it to our crack research team. Blind Man's Challenge (BMC) - WTSR's first and only game show. This required all the Bastard's picking CD's out of the station's music library without looking at them and then having to put together the best show based on those albums. Each Bastard was ranked by the other two Bastard's with prizes going to the winner. See also: Spacehog Incident Cheesesteak Records - If the Bastards ever decide to put out an album, this will be their record label. Hopefully, this will also include artists like Hamsteak and Denny Lewanrock one day. Presumably all CDs on the Cheesesteak label will be distributed through CD Baby. Clumpo, Dildo - Yes, Dildo Clumpo is a person. Once a board member of WTSR, Dildo Clumpo was a redhead with a mullet. In some parts of the world he was mistaken for Dave Mustaine of Megadeth. #1 has met Dildo only once, when Dildo asked him to take over his show, but the legend still grows. The Bastards owe Mr. Clumpo for starting what would become Destiny's Bastard Children. Only a man with the initials SY also knows who Dildo Clumpo is. All pictures of Mr. Clumpo have been destroyed. Cream is on me, The - As you can imagine, used for anything that might represent the splattering of baby batter. This is a line repeated one billion times in a song by DBC Roast favorite, Jimibeetles. See Also: Roast Madness DBC Funeral - The day we poured one out for our homies. An on air memorial for the demise of the Music Director position that all three bastards once held. The position has since been resurrected from the dead. Deaf A-Hole - Easily Bastard #2's favorite staff member of WTSR. This mystery individual is intent on deafening him/herself, as well as anyone who decides to use the on-air headphones. Any scream of pain from #2 is an indication that the deaf asshole has struck again! "Dill Dough" - Hands down the worst punch line to the worst joke Bastard # 3 has ever tried to make (and trust us, he's had some doozies!). A Klan rally at the Apollo Theatre would get more laughs than this. Foot-long - The foot-long hot dog #1 ate at a Sixers game in 2003. In a violent bout of food poisoning afterwards, this hot dog came out both ends and filled The Grange bathtub with chunks of raw hot dog. Grange, The - The former residence of Bastard #1. The place that made him start calling into the show because it was too far away. Always filled with a cloud of smoke, The Grange also featured recurring characters, Roommate Eric and Deaf Jesus. Guerra, Vida - Heaven in the form of an ass. The reason why thongs were created. The subject of many jizz-covered pictures for both #2 and #3. Jimmy Hat Trees - The type of tree outside Bastard #1's home. They bloom in the spring with white flowers that for a handful of days smell like 16 slightly used Jimmy Hats. A pungent smell for those that don't practice Bukkake on a regular basis.
Lewanrock
- Lewanrock out, everybody! Don't Rush The Lovin'. Denny Lewan[rock] was
part of the DBC Roast and created his own genre of music called "Lewanrock".
It's not often you can suck so much you have to create your own genre.
Here's a review of his new album: Mad Capsule Markets - A Japanese hardcore band that #1 loves. One album released in the states - 11 others released in Japan and #1 is on a quest to find them all. Sung in half broken English and half Japanese. #1 has no clue what they are saying half the time but that's the same for most American bands as well. Mullet Mart - The Farmer's Market that #1 visits on occasion. This place is filled with mullets. Country mullets, fem-mullets, children with mullets. The most fun you can have at Mullet Mart is watching the fat, ugly mullets walk by. "Natalie Portman Nip-Slip" - DBC once referred to the famously disorganized 10'o'clock segment by this playful name. For whatever reason, it has stuck around, and every now and then resurfaces. And just for the record, DBC does endorse both Natalie Portman and her nipples. Nutsack - The hole-in-the-wall city where Bastard #1 and Miss Jackie live, located somewhere in PA. Peace, Cyd - This band ranked #1 for the worst thing we've ever played on the show. Incredibly bad music. See Also: Roast Madness Pipes, Wesley - The star of "She's Got Ass 4" and "Two in the Seat". Bastard #2 is working on the copyright for "Passenger 69". Roast Madness - The climax of the best segment in history, the DBC Roast. Week after week, the Bastards "roasted" the worst CD we could find. Roast Madness was the "March Madness" of bad music. We ranked the worst 16 and had a 3 week playoff to determine the worst CD ever received at WTSR. Radio gold my friends, radio gold. See also: Peace, Cyd - Lewanrock - Cream is on Me, The Round Brown Mounds - The holy grail of the DBC. This was a headline on a porno mag in a gas station in Trenton. Bastards #2 and #3 saw this. Bastard #1 was not privy to the picture of the LARGE lady that fit this description. Upon return to said gas station, the porno was gone and has never been located despite many attempts by all parties. Bastard #1 even spent hours looking through a vintage porn shop for this. If you have this, you must give it to us now. Spacehog Incident - Lots of respect lost on the day of the Spacehog Incident. As part of the Blind Man's Challenge, this was the 6th and final round of this installment. The contest was between #1 and #2, with the winner taking home the prize to the Princeton Record Exchange. (Note: Real money involved here). Songs ranked on a scale of 0-3 points each. Bastard #1's song pulls a total score of 4 from the two bastards. Bastard #2 pulls Spacehog and plays "In The Meantime". Bastard #1, though sensing his demise gave it the fair score of a 3. Bastard #3 inexplicably gives this song a big fat 0, citing how much he hates Spacehog. Silence sets over the stunned studio audience and the game was never the same again. See Also: Blind Man's Challenge Space Party Funk - Space Party Funk is yet another self-created genre of music (you see that trend a lot with the bands that suck). Willie T and SPI created this genre. Willie T has one hell of a jeri curl but can't play a lick of music. He also claims that he's a former pro football player. But none of us can find no "Willie T" in the NFL History books. So we be thinkin' he frontin'. Get on wit' yo' baad self. See Also: Roast Madness Tri-Danielson - Tri-Danielson is the benchmark for bad music. May 19th, 1998 was the day the Bastards finally had something to measure their shitty musical experiences to. This was the day Tri-Danielson, Vol. 1 by The Danielson Famile was released. According to allmusic.com 5 of their 7 records get at least 4 stars....and they are critically acclaimed. But we are dead on accurate when we say they blow. Tri-Danielson is the equivalant of baseball's Mendoza Line. There are worse records out there but most are better - and if you expect to stay in the big leagues for any length of time you better rise above this. How bad is that record? Tri-Danielson bad!!!
This site was last updated 08/29/06 |